Sometimes there can only be one.

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But sometimes that’s one too many…

Yesterday, on the Fifth of July, Anno Domini Two Thousand and Thirteen, I watched HIGHLANDER for the first time.  

I’m not sure why I had never seen it before, since it’s one of those movies that’s famous just for being famous.  It’s referenced in movies and television, it’s sparked lines and jokes that I never even knew were from the movie until I actually saw it, and it’s got Sean Connery fighting with an ancient Japanese sword to the music of Queen.  Sounds like a fantastic afternoon on Netflix, no?  

I have to admit something:  I didn’t like it.

I know, I know, it sounds like blasphemy coming from a fan of science fiction, fantasy, and the eighties in general.  But I just couldn’t get on board.

Here are my thoughts (and as I seem to be into lists of late, I will continue in said fashion):

1. So, who exactly ARE these Immortals?  WHY do they exist?  WHY do they need to kill each other off?  Also, the Prize for killing off everyone else who’s exactly the same as you is you get to read mortals’ thoughts and then become mortal yourself?  And everyone is really into this lame prize?  If you say so…

2. Are there really only four left at the beginning of the movie?  (The guy that Connor kills at the wrestling match, Connor’s friend who gives him booze in Central Park, Connor, and Kruger)  We are really starting late in the game here…

3. When did the Immortals stop being born?  Was Connor the last one back in the 1500’s?  Also, why are some of them young guys in their twenties (Connor, Kruger) but other ones are older (Ramirez, the guy Connor beheads in the parking lot)?  How is it determined when they’ll stop aging?  Are there any eighty-year-old looking Immortals out there?  Hmm…

4. So, they’re all pretty old.  You would think that after living for so long, they would have learned more about how better to do their business.  Why do they only try to hack off their opponent’s head?  They should try to cut off some legs or arms, then it would be easy to cut off the head, right?  Or why don’t they use a numbing agent?  Or why don’t they seek each other out when they’re sleeping and take care of it when they’re in bed?  You can’t tell me that Kruger couldn’t have figured out where Connor lived…

5. Ramirez is a Spaniard who’s really Egyptian.  But Sean Connery is really just a white guy. With the most recognizable Scottish accent in the western world.  With intense eye liner.

I dunno.  I guess I was expecting something a little more…… amazing.  

Maybe I just need to watch the sequels.  Or the television series.  
Or something else entirely.

One thing I can give it, though – a ridiculously fantastic tagline.  And sometimes that’s all you need.  🙂

 

 

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